Day 37: Why, Bertram? Why?
It is with a heavy heart that I announce to you, my friends, the departure of Bertram, dear friend and wonderful butler. What? Oh, no. He didn’t die. He just quit. Apparently, if you don’t build a rapport with your butler, they leave. Not just, take some personal time and travel the world. He straight up quit, without as little as a word. Didn’t even say thanks. He hadn’t even worked there a week, so I’m pretty sure he didn’t even receive his first payment. The sad thing is, I didn’t even realize it until he’d been gone for about eight hours. I know, I know. I feel horrible. I was upgrading Casa del Llama a bit, adding some new entertainment features, when I noticed that the upstairs shower was leaking. Wondering why Bertram hadn’t yet fixed it, I went in search of that sage butler. I couldn’t find him anywhere. Eventually, I called the Butler Depot, hoping to receive some kind of information. It said that I didn’t actually have a …. Subscription…and when I searched through my acquaintances, Bertram was listed as a mere stranger. A stranger. He, who had just about saved Robi’s life with his kind words and friendly touch. Bertram, the man who fixed and cleaned and tidied everything without even a word from the household. I was crushed. Absolutely gutted that our negligence had driven him away. And, it was up to me to shoulder all of that burden, because none of my Sims cared. They had new stuff to play with.
A new treadmill, the Sim equivalent of a Bowflex machine, a painter’s easel, and of course, the coveted hot tub, because they’d earned it. Of course, this was all before I knew that Bertram had taken his leave, so it all felt pretty much empty for me once it was all said and done. It was times like these I envied the Sims for their ability to completely shut out certain emotions. What was the loss of a faithful manservant when you had new toys to play with.
Anyway, after breaking in the new exercise equipment, it was time to head outside and take a dip in the hot tub. Fortunately, everyone had the same idea at the same time. Unfortunately, Robi’s idea didn’t involve any clothes, unlike the rest of the group.
The best part is, after Claudia and Pete got out, Farrah decided she liked where Robi’s head was at, and joined him.
After a while, with nightfall in full swing (they spent like, twelve hours checking out all the new stuff), it was time for dinner. Only, no one wanted to make dinner. Farrah, the usual cook, took the night off, heating herself up a Stouffer’s entrée in the microwave. The rest of the group followed suit, but not before I had Robi put in another call to Butlers R’ Us, and requisition our next round of hired help. Seriously, I’m pretty sure there’s a curse on this house. Something is driving away anyone who isn’t part of the band. I actually feel a little sorry for whoever the next guy is, because he’s probably not going to last that long.
After dinner, Claudia went back to her painting, and within minutes, finished her first masterpiece. I had a little fun with it and named it Death of a Porcupine, because such a name made as much sense as the painting itself.
Valued at a whopping 37 Simoleans, we, as a group, decided the best thing to do with it was hang in downstairs, to provide the band with enthusiasm and motivation whenever we came down to play.
By now, it was nearly midnight, and time for bed. The four of them gladly hit the sack as if it had been the best Christmas ever, not even shedding a single tear that Bertram had up and left just hours earlier. I, on the other hand, was an inconsolable wreck, quivering in the corner, wondering where I had went wrong. That is, until the new butler arrived.
Ok, so there’s no reason why I expected the butler to be a dude other than that’s just how I’ve always seen them. I’ve never personally had a butler, so I don’t know the ins and outs of butlership. That being said, this lady arrived as Janet. Breaking the tradition, she’ll also be referred to as Janet. I considered Hermione for a moment, but decided on using that as her middle name, just in case I really needed to grab her attention. Anyway, Janet arrived in the middle of the night like some kind of Sam Fisher butler, lacking only the night vision and Splinter Cell series to back her up. Immediately, she got to work fixing the leaky shower, mopping up, and defying physics.
I really don’t know how she did that, but I do know I needed to rearrange the bathroom and tear down the wall just to get her back inside. Oh, she’d better be worth it. Anyway, not wanting to have another Bertram exodus on my hands, I had Robi make peace with Janet as soon as he woke up.
I simply wanted to build a friendly rapport that would last long enough to ensure Janet felt welcomed and appreciated in her new home. What I didn’t expect is that Robi would suddenly switch on his inappropriate trait and start making out with her on the spot. What I really didn’t expect was that she wouldn’t just like it, she loved it.
Seriously, what the hell is it with this dude. He’s rocketed up my list of my favorite video game characters just because of his personality alone. There’s literally nothing he can’t do (with the exception of acting normal, but that’s what makes him so awesome). He’s like the group’s closer. If they need something done, they send in Robi. If he doesn’t ensure the desired outcome, he’ll kiss it, screw it, or mess it up until it becomes the desired outcome. Such the flurry of activity had made this day last for over 24 hours. I knew it was time to take a break, lest my own heart become torn at by the sudden appearance of Janet, aka Bride of Baphomet. The pain of Bertram was still all too real, but Janet’s quirky behavior was just so…right. Especially within the rest of the group. I had to clear my head. We all need to move on in life, and now it was my turn. I do like to think that Bertram was there for the simple reason of ensuring the safety of Robi. Perhaps, that was his one and only purpose on this SimEarth. I’ll remember him until the end of my days, and deep down, I’m sure Robi will as well.